Maintenance Mike & The Domesticated Harpy

My morning started off rudely.

I was awakened first by the construction noises nearby on another patio. And i drifted in and out of sleep, still needing another few hours.

Then a banging at my door set my heart to pounding. And the person kept banging. I hurried to open the door, my pistol behind my back as usual, (I am a single woman who lives alone. I make no apologies) and opened the door.

The construction guy was standing there with three other guys (already a little daunting for a woman alone) and announced that I had to move my stuff off the patio so they could work on it. He said it rudely. Like he had testosterone poisoning.

My hand tightened around the pistol grip. (okay, just kidding, that was for dramatic effect. I don’t just go around shooting people who knock on my door. Unless they’re from a church, soliciting my soul. Then, yeah. of course. Why wouldn’t I?)

Now understand, that one of my biggest pet peeves is to be awakened rudely. Especially by loud sounds. That’s why I hate alarm clocks. I have an almost epileptic response. And also understand that i have a sort of primal fear of someone knocking on my door. Not sure where that comes from, but it just stresses me out. Maybe because it represents someone trying to get into my home and i don’t know who it is. Weird, i know. But for whatever reason, it’s highly stressful.

So I’m standing at my door, having weathered those two very personally stressful things happening at the same time, and this guy is telling me I have to move stuff off my patio, and I’m still in my pajamas. (Okay, I often stay in my pajamas all day…That’s why I say i have a Pajama Job…but i don’t like being FORCED out of my Pajamas, unless it’s for a good reason. Like one that includes a really pretty woman).

Back to our show:
After he TOLD me what i was going to do, i TOLD him what was REALLY going to happen. “Listen here, Scooter, don’t pound on my door and tell me what I’m going to do. You did not give me any kind of notice, and I am recovering from a ruptured disc in my neck. I’m not moving anything. You should have given me time to make arrangements. And since you didn’t, arrangements will have to be made. In the meantime, you’ll have to go terrorize someone else.”

Dude took one step back. And then he and his boyfriends just walked away. I guess that work i did in my Card-Carrying-Harpy class really paid off. There would be no tearing of flesh today.

SO I slam the door. I felt it was necessary to make my point. But had to grab the mirror hanging on the wall there, so it wouldn’t fall. Damn. Just what i need. Seven years of bad luck on top of the last 7 years i just had. I still can’t remember what mirror i broke last time, but it must have been the size of a billboard.

Anyway. I’m thinking about coffee, which always makes me feel better, and there was no way i was going to go back to sleep anyway. So i made coffee and tried to get my heart rate back down. I called the office and told them what happened, very careful not to be in Harpy mode. Rep said she’d have Mike come over and handle it–i think the head of maintenance. Great, I say. Meaning, Great, another man with testosterone poisoning.

A few minutes later, Mike pecked on my patio door, and I stepped out to talk to him. He was immediately courteous. He completely understood dealing with back and neck issues. He’d had surgery on his. And he said there was no way they should have done that the way they did. They were supposed to give me enough notice. And he said that he’s there to make sure i get the help I need, and that anytime i ever needed anything moved or any help at all, to call him. It was not only his job, but he enjoyed helping. I said, “That’s so refreshing these days. I just wish people would do it because that’s who they want to be, and not becuase of some perceived reward.” (that’s one of my test questions. I always say things like that to see what someone will say, so I’ll know where they’re coming from). He said. “Jae, I do this because it makes ME feel good. So in a way, i guess it’s a little selfish. I enjoy helping people because of how it makes me feel.”

Okay, really good answer but he skirted the religion part. And I’m always afraid they’re going to start preaching to me at any moment and ask me if I’ve accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, and then it will get ugly because i have so much to say on that subject. But it didn’t matter at that point. I already liked him. I already thought about baking him some bread and giving him a fresh cup of coffee later.

The thing about me is, I can be the sweetest most generous and friendly person in the world if you treat me with respect, but the minute you mistreat me, the claws come out, and i go for the jugular. I guess I’m sort of a Domesticated Harpy.

My day improved substantially after that. We stood on the patio and had a nice chat; He reiterated to call him anytime I needed help and I told him I wished I’d known about him when I moved in. Then we talked about our experiences with Frozen Shoulder, Rotator cuff injuries, Bone Spurs, Disc issues; and then about his daughter who is also a writer, and about his son with Asberger’s Syndrome who can do all kinds of wonderful things, including write, and how we both wish some of the old fashioned things would swing back around: like doctors who tell the truth, chivalry, customer service, respect, and people being willing to help and have compassion. I’m thinking he and his family are the types I’d like to be friends with. Anyone who can take the day I was having, and change it into something so positive, well, they deserve a medal. Or fresh baked bread and coffee.

 

Coffee, Stupidity, Insanity & Germs

Amazing, how she can write so much about coffee and the mundane moments within her domestic trivia. Go ahead and say it now and get it over with. I know you want to… Domestica ^(tm) is one of my subjects, because I’m a domestic sort. Or domesticated. In my domicile, independent and cut off from the outside world. Except for the Internet, which IS the world, really, so…notsamuch.

Anyhoo, moving on...My first sip of coffee today was too hot. I just burned the hair off my tongue. I hear you saying, “There is no hair on your tongue.”

To which i respond, “Not Now!”

See, this happens frequently. You’d think I’d learn. The definition of stupidity is doing something the same way and expecting a different result. . .some say that’s the definition of insanity, but I think it fits stupidity better. Insane people do much more interesting things, and sometimes I write about that too. But I don’t consider myself either stupid or insane, so there has to be some other reason why I have burned my tongue on coffee more than once.

Masochism?
No. I don’t like pain. I don’t even like spankings when they’re sexual. (Freak! stop hitting me! You’re supposed to be trying to bring pleasure, fer chrissakes!!)

So the best explanation I can come up with, is that I’m forgetful. I think i wrote a blog about that before, but….not sure. Note to self: take more Ginkgo Biloba.

I’m uncertain as to how this current burning happened though. Maybe it had something to do with the release of heat from my cup since I put it in the microwave, because I cleaned the skin off the inside of it (residue from yesterday), and then imagined all the germs one can get from swishing around a sponge on a stick, after it has been swishing all over everything else in the kitchen…I was reminded of that compelling and oddly disturbing commercial where the housewife (sorry, Domestic Engineer) was gleefully wiping down her kitchen with a raw hindquarter of a chicken. Point taken. (Who says we are immune to advertising?)

So I put the mug in the microwave, soon followed by the sponge-on-a-stick and the dishcloth… because I read on Web M.D. that nuking wet sponges and dishcloths in the microwave for two minutes, destroys almost every germ known to woman–99%, according to the study. So of course, I had to put the coffee cup in the microwave too, since it had been contaminated by the germy dish- sponge- on- a-handle-acting as-a-raw-chicken-leg.

I swear my coffee tastes a little different than normal.
Less germy, maybe.

Still, my cup runneth over…into my mouth. Or onto the floor. I’m always spilling it…either way, time for refill. Or as I prefer to call it, another brain infusion.

———————-
*Domestica ^(tm) is one of my past websites, which i intend to resurrect at some point in the near future.

 

Me and Food are Filing for Divorce

I am tired of food.

Does that happen as you get older?
i did a search on Google, hoping for insight, and I couldn’t find any information on this. Not finding something on Google is highly disturbing to me. You can ALWAYS find ANYTHING on Google. I assume I’m using the wrong key words.

But it does make sense that after 40-plus years alive, you’ve probably tried most everything at least once. But I feel I’ve tried everything, along with its variations, a hundred times.

I do eat as healthy as possible, and even when I stray from that, I’m still bored with food. Part of this is my inherent need for variety. I never allow myself to get bored in any area of my life, and rarely experience a feeling of boredom, because I have so many things to occupy my mind going on all the time. And food also falls into that category. I will hardly ever eat leftovers because “I’ve already had that.” But now, it’s gotten severe enough that I find grocery shopping takes twice as long because I agonize about buying this or that, knowing that I’m tired of it, and not being able to think of another option. There are only so many food groups.

I’ve had chicken, beef, pork, all veggies, all fruits, all dairy, all cereals, all versions of eggs, all sweets, (although I don’t think sweets is considered a food group, unless you’re a poor mother of 6 in the South.) And forget about going out–I’ve tried the usual Mexican, Chinese, Japanese, (most of the “eses”) and some Greek, and some Mediterranean (whatever that is). I don’t like foods that are so spicy that they numb your tastebuds and make your eyes bleed, nor do I like bitter foods–(bok choy comes to mind–what a waste of a good leaf).

I feel I have simply had all I can stand from all there is to choose from. Am I missing something?

I even tried to grow a garden, hoping that fresh, unprocessed and toxin-free vegetables would make food taste new again. But the only area I have to grow in failed miserably because there wasn’t enough direct sunlight. Out of the 100 plants i planted (and the boxes I built on stilts to make the process easier), I garnered one small tomato. It was delicious. But gone in one minute.

The only thing I imbibe that I continue to enjoy, is my coffee. It’s my first craving when i wake up. After that, the palatal enjoyment just goes downhill. (Now, if I was in a relationship, my first craving might be different. Nothing like a good morning cuddle. And anything else that might transpire after I have brushed my teeth).

So….Maybe I should date a chef…..but since I’m gay, that would be almost impossible, as I fear there are very few lesbian chefs around here. I still have trouble finding regular women I like well enough to date.

But I’m afraid that now I will look at weird things as possible food sources…flowers, bark, foam, soap, cat chow, doggie burgers, sparrows, groundhogs…..they probably all taste like chicken. But I know I would never get crazy with this, as some things are just repulsive–ala, Fear Factor. I once saw Survivorman eat a scorpion. Live, and kicking, and I thought I would hurl. Eating some things is just mental, plain and simple.

I’ve had the same menu of choices for over 40 years. So I’m convinced this is age-related–and not in a senility sort of way–senility might help, actually, because I would FORGET that I’ve had that particular food a hundred times, and it might, therefore, taste new again. (Wow, I bet that would make sex great too). Okay, now I’m actually considering the positive aspects of Alzheimer’s.

I welcome any comments that might alleviate my food angst.

(And Georgie, I defy you to tell me you were just thinking the same thing…)

 

Occupational Hazard

This one time (not at band camp) I was reaching for my coffee atop my warming plate, and it seems that the usual spillage had created some odd but effective glue, and when i tried to pick it up with my usual amount of confidence, i succeeded in dousing my face and chest with hot coffee.

I’m a writer. Occupational hazards get recorded.

yeah let’s have another blog about your freaking love affair with coffee…

 

Coffee, Stupidity, Insanity & Germs

Amazing, how she can write so much about coffee and the mundane moments within her domestic trivia. Go ahead and say it now and get it over with. I know you want to… Domestica ^(tm) is one of my subjects, because I’m a domestic sort. Or domesticated. In my domicile, independent and cut off from the outside world. Except for the Internet, which IS the world, really, so…notsamuch.

Anyhoo, moving on...My first sip of coffee today was too hot. I just burned the hair off my tongue. I hear you saying, “There is no hair on your tongue.”

To which i respond, “Not Now!”

See, this happens frequently. You’d think I’d learn. The definition of stupidity is doing something the same way and expecting a different result. . .some say that’s the definition of insanity, but I think it fits stupidity better. Insane people do much more interesting things, and sometimes I write about that too. But I don’t consider myself either stupid or insane, so there has to be some other reason why I have burned my tongue on coffee more than once.

Masochism?
No. I don’t like pain. I don’t even like spankings when they’re sexual. (Freak! stop hitting me! You’re supposed to be trying to bring pleasure, fer chrissakes!!)

So the best explanation I can come up with, is that I’m forgetful. I think i wrote a blog about that before, but….not sure. Note to self: take more Ginkgo Biloba.

I’m uncertain as to how this current burning happened though. Maybe it had something to do with the release of heat from my cup since I put it in the microwave, because I cleaned the skin off the inside of it (residue from yesterday), and then imagined all the germs one can get from swishing around a sponge on a stick, after it has been swishing all over everything else in the kitchen…I was reminded of that compelling and oddly disturbing commercial where the housewife (sorry, Domestic Engineer) was gleefully wiping down her kitchen with a raw hindquarter of a chicken. Point taken. (Who says we are immune to advertising?)

So I put the mug in the microwave, soon followed by the sponge-on-a-stick and the dishcloth… because I read on Web M.D. that nuking wet sponges and dishcloths in the microwave for two minutes, destroys almost every germ known to woman–99%, according to the study. So of course, I had to put the coffee cup in the microwave too, since it had been contaminated by the germy dish- sponge- on- a-handle-acting as-a-raw-chicken-leg.

I swear my coffee tastes a little different than normal.
Less germy, maybe.

Still, my cup runneth over…into my mouth. Or onto the floor. I’m always spilling it…either way, time for refill. Or as I prefer to call it, another brain infusion.

———————-
*Domestica ^(tm) is one of my past websites, which i intend to resurrect at some point in the near future.

 

Coffee Skin

My coffee has a skin again.

I keep my mug on an old coffeemaker masquerading as a hot plate because I like my coffee to remain highly warm while I sip it throughout my morning. And afternoon. And sometimes evening…depending on when i get up. Which is always a malleable enterprise for those with Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome. I also have Coining Of Nomenclature Syndrome (C.O.N.S.), except this time I’m not guilty of it. DSPS really exists. Although when i first saw the abbreviation, i thought it stood for -Dating & Sex Postal Service –this is how i intend to find my next girlfriend. When you are at home as much as i am, that’s your only hope of seeing another human being. When she absolutely, positively, has to stay here overnight.
Where was I?

Oh, yeah. Skin.

If my coffee cup stays on the hot plate too long, (as it should, since i am a serious writer who spends many hours slaving away at my clickety clacking)….then it inevitably gets a skin on it. Then I have to take a piece of coffee filter and dig the skin out before I refill.

If I were to visit a coffee shop and say “Give me a hazelnut with skin.”

They would say “Skim milk?”

“No,” I’d say. “Not SKIM. . ..SKIN.”

They would, rightfully so, put me in the crazy category. Been there before, so it wouldn’t be a stretch. I can do crazy very well, thank you.

I thought about trying to put something on top of that skin one time, to see how strong it was. . ..a paper clip, maybe. . ..wonder if it would sink, or ride there? Then I could drink, while staring at a buoyant paper clip. There would be no reason for this, other than my own twisted and absurd entertainment.

I refuse to let myself get bored.

 

Space Invader

It started out with me on my way to the grocery store, having awakened with no coffee in the house-a tragedy all on its own. I thought of that little coffeeshop down the street and thought maybe I’d stop in to check it out, so I brought what i lovingly refer to as my Tippi Tap Typer just in case.

Roscoe’s Music and Espresso Café was a tiny establishment, but intriguing. It was time I tried to get out of the house a little and use my new toy in a different environment. I ordered a White Chocolate cappuccino and chatted with the owner for a few minutes, and then a young woman walked in. The first thing I noticed was that she immediately invaded my space. We exchanged pleasantries. The tiny coffeeshop was no bigger than most people’s kitchens, and I tried to move aside, but she hemmed me right in, ordering his house blend.

The proprietor, Roscoe, informed her that he was just now making a new pot. She asked how long it would take, and he said just long enough for the water to run through.

“Could you give me some sort of idea, then?”

“Two point 3 minutes.”

“Jolly Good,” she exclaimed.

Jolly good? That’s when it dawned on me that she had a British accent.

Roscoe started the brew and the Space Invader waited, turning a bit to examine a painting on the wall. She then would not let me get past her to sit down out of the way, so I just turned back around and stayed where I was. I don’t think it was intentional. I noticed the Bible she was holding behind her, clutching it almost fiercely, standing erect, as if a recruit at attention. My first reaction was Oh great, a religious zealot. I was afraid she’d try to witness to me. Faith is a wonderful thing, but those who wander around with little else other than a Bible, are bound to launch into some religious tirade or hackneyed effort to save my soul. I had already noticed that my communication skills were suffering from caffeine withdrawals, so I didn’t feel up to the challenge.

Then she did the inevitable witnessing. Thankfully, to Roscoe. “Have you ever read the Bible?

I understood him to say yes, but heard him counter with another book he had read, asking her if she had read it. She said no, there was much too much in her head right now… But she had realized that the Bible had everything in it she needed, about life and love and so on, and that we should read it, because it answers so many questions… I asked her if she had read The Seat of the soul for the same reasons. She said no, as he poured her cup and handed it to her. She carried her House Blend out to the patio and sat, lighting a Camel filter right next to the sign that read Thank you For Not Smoking.

Roscoe gave me a knowing look, and whispered, “She comes in here a lot…she’s been in and out of institutions…she’s staying at the halfway house up here…doing pretty well now…except that today, she seems to be British.” I was surprised and intrigued. It was clear what the implication was, now. HE motioned me to follow and pointed out the front window. “See that tower, right over there between that building and the water tower is a halfway house for people who are…”

“Halfway?” I offered.

He smiled.

Three people come in, and I comment, “oh look out, you’re getting a rush.”

He laughs. The people order, one of them a lady who says she misses her coffee, as she is from “Coffee country.” I engage her…ask if it’s Seattle…she says another town in Washington, above Seattle and I tell her I’m thinking of moving to that area in May. She says what she doesn’t miss is the dismal weather and I confess I love weather like that.

I put a five dollar bill on the counter, so that I won’t forget to pay.

The Space Invader Zealot returns asking for a refill, saying, “I should think that this much coffee cannot possibly be good for the stomach.” She takes her refill back out.

I carried my coffee and Typer out to the deck for a little fresh air and maybe morbid curiosity, so that I could be within earshot and eyeshot of her. She comments on what a lovely day it is, and I agree. Shortly, I hear her chuckle. I look up and she is smoking, smiling, and whispering a few words to some unseen table companion. I know then, she really is certifiable. She sucks on her camel filters, and makes properly British faces, laughing, obviously enjoying the repartee of the voices in her head.

I am intrigued enough to want to talk to her, but intimidated enough not to. How does one talk to a crazy person without sufficient psychological experience? What if I say something that screws up this reality she has created for herself? What if that little swim in the cerebral fluid garners me a proper British drowning? I move to the smoking section, situated at a picnic table behind her, lighting a cigarette of my own, and bend back to my writing.

A moment later, I notice Birkenstock knockoffs a few feet from my table and look up.

“Excuse me, ” she says. “I am out of smokes…can I give you 50 cents for one, or something?”

“Oh, no, here,” I give her two. “It’s awful to run out when you’re addicted.”

“Isn’t it though?” She returns to her table and lights up.

A young man approaches, asking about my typing gadget and I give him the sales pitch and he seems interested, then wanders back into the café. I wondered why he came outside just to ask me about my Typer. After he leaves, Space Invader turns around and says, “These are delicious cigarettes.”

Delicious? “I’m glad you like them. Most people don’t because they’re menthol and lighter.”

“Oh no, there’s just enough menthol, and it doesn’t last long, and there’s this fruity aftertaste…”

“Yes,” I say, while thinking, funny she would say Fruity.

Later, I go inside the café for a refill and while I wait, admire a portrait of a man who is playing harmonica. I comment on how good the painting is. Roscoe tells me it’s by a local artist, and he knows the guy in the painting, played music with him for years. I see an old photo of Roscoe on the wall, jeans, no gray beard, but still a mustache, wearing one of those poofy down slicker vests, and a newsboy cap. “This is you, right?” I ask.

“Yes, a long time ago.”

“I can see it’s you. You have the Jack Kerouac look to you in this…you have this face that seems familiar…were you famous at one point?” I smile. “–maybe in a movie you might not claim?”

“No…” He laughs. “– but I was in the movie they made here recently…”

“Oh, Billy Bob Thornton’s movie?”

“Yeah, I got to play banjo a little.”

Space Invader comes in and announces she is finished with coffee, and wanders back toward the halfway house. I finish my third cup, and settle the rest of my tab and tip him two dollars. He dubs me Customer of the Day.

Outside, I hear the now familiar laughter of the Space Invader. She is nearby, toward the road, probably standing there waiting to cross, and having a pleasant conversation with no one.

 

One Thing After Another

The bird, the partner, the dog, the Fed Ex lady, coffee…

Status quo.

My cockatiel, Bingo, lives in a huge “condo” cage with every toy and snack and luxury a bird could want. But she begins to shriek as soon as daylight hits the windows, her nocturnal sleeping clock disengaged by sunshine. My usual groggy reprimands, like, “Bingo, hush” and “Bingo, shut up!” and “Goddamn it, Bingo!” don’t help. But you know, i just always hope i won’t have to get up. She wants out of her cage so she can perch on my shoulder, leave lots of poopie on my shirt, bitch at me to scratch her head, then bitch that I’m not doing it right, then jump down and pull all the cigarette butts from the ashtray and drop them in the floor along with paper clips, my lighter, and that pill I’m supposed to take each morning. Then she must punch the edges of all paper products with her beak, and eat all the pencil lead, (if there’s any to be had), try to climb on my coffee cup for a drink, to which i say “It’s hot” and she tests the side of the cup with her tongue just to check my story…

So forgive me, if I’m not too keen on getting her out of the cage.

But the shrieking. Lord God in heaven.

The only thing I’ve found that cures it (aside from avian homicide, or the free-for-all i just described) is to take her from the cage and put her in a dark closet or the other bathroom. The darkness makes her think it’s time to go to sleep. And i have some peace so that i can go back to bed for a few more hours… I do that, and return to bed.

Just after slipping into dreamland, Giz, my mixed breed dog (the guess is half spaniel, half chihuahua) climbs up to the bed and starts to invade my personal space. Meaning, he walks up the length of my body and lies down on my chest. And whines. I ask if he has to go out- and i get that excited keening sound as he catapults himself off me, leaving another series of toenail scratches on my skin. I get up and go to the door, avoiding the dido movements all around me as he revs up for the trip outside. Another phobia, though, is of wet grass. So he goes to the edge of the walk, and squats about 3 inches away from the grass…on the concrete. I call to him sharply, and his flow stops as he darts back down the walk. “Oh no, you’re not coming inside until you go–” I have to drag him toward the grass, but he still won’t go.

So i go back inside and get my shoes and leash, and return, snapping the leash on his collar, and walking out into the wet grass, calling him. He finally goes, but not after a sniffing trek through the grass and back around to the pine bark–an acceptable compromise so that i can go back to bed finally. My partner is awake, and there begins some witty banter, at my expense, the details of which escape me. Finally, i just said “Stop aggravating me–i want to go to sleep.” We do. A few minutes later, Giz starts making that awful sucking, “sick” noise in his throat that always wakes me up; a precursor to some ugly warm mess on the rug that i have to clean up. I rushed over and called his name, as if to scold him for this thing he could not control. He darted out from under his little sleeping tent, and i had to coax him to me so that i could drag him into the bathroom…i had to drag him since he doesn’t like tile or linoleum floors. Another of the mysterious traumas he must have suffered before i adopted him from the Humane Society…. Now both children are in separate bathrooms. I set about cleaning up the mess. Done with the cleaning, my allergic rhinitis sneezing fit arrives on schedule. I have one or two every morning, but only after i am up and around, so now i’m looking for Puff’s Plus with aloe. I have to get up and go to the bathroom to blow. I grab a peanut butter bone for Giz to let him know he’s not really in trouble just because he made another bile stain on the carpet…he holds the bone in his mouth, stares at me uncertainly, moving toward the open door. I tell him it’s okay, he can go.

I know i won’t be going back to sleep now, so my first impulse is to make coffee, but both sides of the sink and both counters are full of dirty dishes. I unload the dishwasher, fill the carafe and then discover there aren’t enough fresh beans in the grinder. Well, i love fresh ground coffee beans…and besides, that’s the only way I’ll get coffee out of them, aside from eating them whole, which i prefer not to do. So i have to grind some. I hate the noise- and maybe my partner will too (since said partner is still asleep) So then I’m sitting down with my beloved coffee and checking my email when Fed Ex knocks- Giz goes crazy barking and whining as always. He is traumatized by knocks on the door, too…The package is for my partner who is still in bed. I toss it on her legs and go to my office, where i close the door and hope to get this written.

And how was YOUR morning?

 

A Likely Story

[*..found inside a newspaper, on a front step…]

It was a crisp December evening. It had been crisp all day. I was assured by the car radio that the crispness would extend into tomorrow. I decided a hot cup of java would take away the edge, so I pulled over at the first dingy cafe that came into view. As I walked inside, I noticed the lettering on the outside window: The Dingy Cafe.

I took a booth against the far wall, so that I could see the door, and anything ominous that may wander through it. The ancient waitress shuffled over and gnawed an old piece of gum while I told her to bring me a cup of coffee, fresh. She remarked that the only fresh thing in the establishment was the cook, and that didn’t mean his personal hygiene. When she had gone, I pulled out a cigarette and lit up. Just then the door to the cafe opened and in walked this newspaper. He had no poly-bag on, and the rain had soaked him through. He looked as though a cup of coffee would save his life. He saw me in the corner, and came over to ask for a quarter for a cup of coffee. I told him that coffee was forty cents, and he said he’d take what he could get. He looked so alone, so bedraggled, that I asked him to join me, which he did thankfully. I motioned for the waitress to bring another cup.

Over four refills, he told me his sad story. His mother was a tabloid, and his father used to be a Field and Stream magazine, but got down on his luck and left the family high and dry when Gazette was only a Community Paper. Since that time, Gazette became a vagabond; sleeping on the steps of any who’d have him. Some folks had even taken him in to look him over, but when they tired of him, he was always thrown out to again survive on his own. He had hitched a ride with a truck driver a few hours before he had arrived at the Dingy Cafe. My heart went out to him, and that’s when I thought of you. I knew you had room for a poor lonely soul like Gazette, so I gave him your address. When I told him he might end up in your fireplace, he was unabashed. He said that at least he would be warm.

At any rate, he does have stories to tell, and he’s up on current events, so maybe your return for this act of kindness will be sufficient.